Men–WARNING– Don’t try this at home: My friend’s wife bought a new expensive line of cosmetics to make her look years younger. She came out of the bathroom after applying these “miracle” products and asked him, “Honey, honestly what age would you say I am?” He took a moment, looked her over closely and said, “Judging from your hair, I would say twenty; from your skin, I would say eighteen, and from your figure……baby, I would say twenty-one!” She smiled and said, “Oh, that’s so sweet and so flattering!” Like a dummy, he said, “Hold on, hold on! I haven’t added them up yet.”
People really like it when we give heartfelt compliments, however, insincere flattery is manipulative (or in the case above, just plain dumb, LOL).
Mark 12:13-14 (TNIV)
13 Later they sent some of the Pharisees and Herodians to Jesus to catch him in his words. 14 They came to him and said, “Teacher, we know that you are a man of integrity. You aren’t swayed by others, because you pay no attention to who they are; but you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. Is it right to pay the imperial tax to Caesar or not?
SET THE STAGE: In Mark 11:27-33 Jesus was just approached by the chief priest, the elders and the teachers of the law (representatives of the three groups that made up the Sanhedrin, the Jewish ruling council). They tried to trap Him with words, to trick Him so that He would lose credibility with the people. Then, Jesus tells a parable (the Parable of the Tenants, Mark 12: 1-12) that exposes their shallowness, hunger for power and their deceitfulness.
FAST FORWARD TO TODAY’S VERSES: Pharisees and Herodians were two groups of people who were diametrically opposed to each other. The Pharisees were opposed to the Roman occupation of Palestine and the Herodians were members of a political party that supported Rome’s policies. In the days that follow, we will see them also join together to attempt to trick Jesus.
I found it interesting that we are told that the Pharisees and Herodians wanted to “catch” Jesus with words. The Greek word translated as “catch” is “agreuo” [ag-rew-o]. This is the only instance of its use in the Bible and its fuller meaning is “to trap, to take by hunting, to ensnare with words or to catch in a mistake”.
This is the first time that I am aware of that they try first to trap Jesus by using flattery “Teacher, we know that you are a man of integrity. You aren’t swayed by others, because you pay no attention to who they are; but you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth.” Don’t think for a minute that they were being sincere…they were just trying to “soften the target”!
This exchange opened up a couple of things to me. I always considered flattery a good thing, however, by definition……it isn’t. I think that probably, to some degree, the definition of flattery has changed in modern times. Flattery is defined as “excessive, insincere praise.”
Is it wrong to compliment someone? No, not at all. In fact, compliments are encouraging and do nothing but build the person we are complimenting up. If we compliment in order to gain something, or out of some expectation, it’s insincere and manipulative…..that’s when it becomes flattery. That is wrong.
Proverbs 26:24-28 (TNIV)
24 Enemies disguise themselves with their lips, but in their hearts they harbor deceit. 25 Though their speech is charming, do not believe them, for seven abominations fill their hearts. 26 Their malice may be concealed by deception, but their wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. 27 If anyone digs a pit, they themselves will fall into it; if anyone rolls a stone, it will roll back on them. 28 A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin.
How do we handle flattery when we recognize it (insincere compliments)?
First, don’t use flattery back. That would be like Jesus answering the men who are trying to trick Him with, “Oh, great and faithful leaders of Israel, you guys are awesome and I appreciate you so much!” You know, Jesus didn’t play games and neither should we.
We should always simply be straightforward by using a direct reply. I suppose that this might include simply ignoring the flattery and getting straight to business. Flattery is often used to “soften the blow” of something that is coming. If you are the recipient of this type of blow, simply be honest with whatever the conversation is actually about.
Remember this; flattery is like a hidden weapon. It’s not one that we should use because our yes should simply be yes and our no should simply be no, meaning that we should simply be honest in our dealing with each other and not manipulative.
When my fictional friend answered his wife, maybe he should have simply said, “Darling, you never age in my eyes!” Of course he could have just stopped at twenty-one, LOL.